Track 5
Funnel Vision
Crossing the Stage
About this track
It starts as a skill and turns into a condition. You see a menu and think offer stack. You hear a podcast and map the VSL. You cannot unsee the CTA. Funnel Vision is the comedic panic of being so deep in funnels that real life looks like a campaign.
For the marketer who sees pixels in their sleep.
For anyone who has ever said, “this would convert,” about a movie scene.
If your brain is a funnel now, welcome home.
Player Funnel Vision
Lyrics
[Verse 1]
So if you’re scrolling,
You know I’m here retargeting you.
I see the clicks now,
I see the pixels tracking you.
And if you bounce out,
I got a lead magnet waiting too.
I wrote the copy,
I built the tripwire just for you.
[Pre-Chorus]
Oh-oh-oh, I see another ad!
Oh-oh-oh, I see another brand!
Oh-oh-oh, I know it’s all a plan!
[Chorus]
I got Funnel Vision!
Everywhere I look, I see a CTA!
I got Funnel Vision!
Everything’s an upsell, it’s the only way!
I got Funnel Vision!
I can’t unsee it now, it’s all I know!
I got Funnel Vision!
And I won’t be leaving here… without the sale!
[Verse 2]
I see a menu—
Nah, that’s just a stack of offers now.
I hear a podcast—
All I see’s a VSL somehow.
I watch a movie,
And all I think is, “That’s a perfect hook.”
I dream in opt-ins,
I even wrote a bridge page in my book!
[Pre-Chorus]
Oh-oh-oh, I see another ad!
Oh-oh-oh, I see another brand!
Oh-oh-oh, I know it’s all a plan!
[Chorus]
I got Funnel Vision!
Everywhere I look, I see a CTA!
I got Funnel Vision!
Everything’s an upsell, it’s the only way!
I got Funnel Vision!
I can’t unsee it now, it’s all I know!
I got Funnel Vision!
And I won’t be leaving here… without the sale!
[Bridge]
Lead ‘em in, break ‘em down,
Sell the dream, close ‘em now!
Scarcity, urgency,
They need it—don’t let them leave!
[Final Chorus]
I got Funnel Vision!
Everywhere I look, I see a CTA!
I got Funnel Vision!
Everything’s an upsell, it’s the only way!
I got Funnel Vision!
I can’t unsee it now, it’s all I know!
I got Funnel Vision!
And I won’t be leaving here… without the sale!
[Outro]
Oh-oh-oh, I see another ad…
Oh-oh-oh, I see another brand…
Oh-oh-oh, I know it’s all a plan…