Track 21
Nobody Reads Sales Pages
Crossing the Stage
About this track
You poured days into the perfect sales page — bullets, proof, risk reversal — and they bounce after eight seconds. It is funny until it is not, and then it is funny again because it has to be. Nobody Reads Sales Pages is the existential shrug that turns into a strategy.
For the copywriter who has stared at heatmaps like they are personal insults.
For the builder learning that clarity beats length.
If you have ever whispered “does anyone even read this,” press play.
Player Nobody Reads Sales Pages
Lyrics
[Intro]
And you may find yourself…
Spending three weeks writing a ten-thousand-word sales page.
And you may find yourself…
Agonizing over headline variations that nobody will see.
And you may find yourself…
Crafting a perfect, irresistible offer,
With psychological triggers and 30 risk-reversal statements.
And you may ask yourself…
"Wait… does anyone even READ this?"
[Beat]
[Verse 1]
Letting the days go by… rewrite that bullet list.
Letting the days go by… split-test a new subhead.
Into the void again… after the reader’s gone.
Once in a lifetime… nobody scrolls this far.
And you may ask yourself,
"Should I add more testimonials?"
And you may ask yourself,
"What if I made the price in bold?"
And you may tell yourself,
"Wait, should I add ANOTHER bonus?"
And you may scream out loud,
"MY GOD, WHY WON’T THEY BUY?!"
[Chorus]
Nobody reads sales pages…
They skim, they scroll, they bounce away.
Nobody reads sales pages…
They just wanna click the big red button, okay?!
[Short]
[Verse 2]
Should I add a F A Q? (Will they even see it?)
Should I tell another story? (Maybe that’ll keep ‘em readin’.)
Should I add COUNTDOWN TIMERS—
Or just set my laptop on fire?
[Beat]
Wait… wait… what if…
What if they just don’t care?
What if they just wanna buy the thing
Without reading twenty paragraphs
About how I once lived in a basement and found success?
[Beat]
[Final Chorus]
Nobody reads sales pages…
They skim, they scroll, they bounce away.
Nobody reads sales pages…
Just make a V S L, for God’s sake!
And you may ask yourself…
"Was it all for nothing?"
And you may say to yourself…
"Maybe I should’ve just run a webinar…"
[Beat]